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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.