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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
u cant spell awesome without me
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3