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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.