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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
I think eating is my kind of sport.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.