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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.