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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."