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Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Gym update: not there
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"