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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"