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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.