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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...