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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.