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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi