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Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.