Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.