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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.