Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused