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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.