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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.