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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!