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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.