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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?