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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!