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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!