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How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative