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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.