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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.