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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
I only accept apologies in cash.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies