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You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."