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My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I`m going to hell in every religion!
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.