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real eyes realize real lies
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.