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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.