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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out