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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
condoms prevent minivans
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.