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Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?