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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.