Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
never be afraid to wipe twice
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.