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Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.