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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.