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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.