Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"