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I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.