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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.