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I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...