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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
Reincarnation is my only hope.