Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page