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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.