Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Don’t jump to confusions.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted