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Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when Iām awake.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.