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Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Don’t believe everything you think.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.