Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!