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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
is available for rebound sex.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.