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Will be drunk until further notice.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.