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Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel