Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.