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I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore