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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...