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If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
What about a To-Don`t List?
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.