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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?