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If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole