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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.