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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.