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the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.