Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.