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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.