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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day