Daily Silly Status

"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.

Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?

When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.

My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`

You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.

I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.

I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!

Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.

UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight

Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?

I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.

I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?