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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`