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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.