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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.