Daily Silly Status

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs

I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.

"You`re better than that" is almost never true

I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.

During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.

If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.

Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!

My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.

is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!

I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.

I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"

I know u r but what am I ?

I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!