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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!