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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Please do not read this.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I just want you to be happy. And naked.