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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"