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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Attention fuels immaturity
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Warning: I just get weirder.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.