Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.