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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
The well behaved rarely make history.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?