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Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...