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word of the day: nincomtard
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.