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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.