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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
So long pants! See you Monday!
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.