Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.