Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone