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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.