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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.