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I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.