Daily Silly Status

I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.

Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?

I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.

I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.

People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back

I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".

These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.

At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.

For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.

I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.

When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."

If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?

It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.